Old friends

When I was younger, my mother often complained to me "Your life revolves around your friends, nothing else seems to matter." By 'nothing else', she meant my studies, spending time with family etc. She conveniently ignored all the books I read... in copious amounts. But I digress.

In school, my friends were split into one 'best friend' and other 'good friends'. On hindsight, it was such a strange way of seeing things. Had it been today's times, my parents would have certainly bundled me off to a shrink. 

I don't know how the notion got into my head but I truly believed that I could not have more than one best friend. Maybe, it came from reading too many Enid Blyton's where the child protagonist always had one best friend amongst many friends. In any case at any given point in my life, I didn't have too many friends, just 2-3 who were my closest and only friends. 

As I grew older I remember realising with some degree of surprise and shock that there were best friends who had moved on from being my best friend to a friend with whom I had fleeting conversations - on birthdays or special occasions only. This was maybe sometime after college when my friends and I got jobs, moved cities, got married... generally life happened. I was making a new set of friends just as they were too. The whole concept of best friends had undergone a change in my head. It became redundant. There were now only good friends. No less valued but not singled out specially, either. 

Looking back, there also are those who were good friends, even best friends and one day were no longer in touch.  Some I did anticipate going out of my life while some were rather sudden and without warning.

Pic courtesy: Google Search

I believe, consciously or subconsciously, as we grow older, most of us take stock of our lives - we choose the people we want to spend time with and distance ourselves from those we don't. Not because we've become mean and nasty but because we've moved on from that phase of our life. 

To those friends who were with me in certain phases of my life and are no longer around, I am thankful to have met them. They were there for me when I needed a shoulder to lean on and in return I hope I was a good friend to them too. Even if we no longer keep in touch, I know I will always appreciate what they did for me.

I continue to have good friends - a few, not many - therefore all the more precious. They've heard me rave, rant and b***h - on the phone and in person, been with me when I was unwell and in hospital, when I shifted homes and needed an extra pair of hands, when I was alone in a new city and needed to learn my way around... it's a long list.  

I am truly fortunate and very grateful.  

Old friends,

Sat on their park bench

Like bookends.

...

Can you imagine us

Years from today,

Sharing a park bench quietly?

~ Simon & Garfunkel

Introversion

Having been an introvert all my life, it's been an uphill task trying to convince people I am OK being this way. It's not an affliction or a disease or something that I want to change about myself. How many times have I had to hear - "take your nose out of that book"; "go play with the kids (neighbourhood) outside"; "why are you so silent, are you unwell?".... Aarghhhhhh!!!

I don't think that I am the shy, wallflower types either. I know I can hold my own when I want to and can fight for something that I truly, deeply believe in. Somehow, I doubt anyone who has known me all these years wants to accept the fact, they have just resigned themselves to the fact that I am like this only.

I happened to come across the comic series titled 'Introversion' by Luchie (an artist, comic lover/ creator) based in Belgium via Leaping Windows (a library-cum-café that stocks only comics in Mumbai/ Bangalore).

Anyway, the comic so spectacularly illustrates exactly what I have been telling friends and family for years. When I first read it, the series resonated with me... totally!  

OK, so I get it that you get it...so without much further ado, here's the entire set. (Incase, you're unable to read the print here, please read it at Luchie's blog)



Page 1

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Page 6

Thank you, Luchie, for reading my mind (& life) like this :)

Best friends: a man & a woman?

A recent experience in my life set me thinking of the age-old question, "Can men & women be best friends and remain just friends?".

In my circle of friends & acquaintances there are many who are friends - work colleagues who get along very well, hang out together; college friends who still meet up and keep in touch even if they are hitched, with or without their spouses. But any instance of two members of the opposite sex being best friends and the relationship remaining platonic… not one. Then I thought, "Hey, maybe it's my circle of friends… maybe there are others out there who are in really good friendships that have stayed platonic."

So I dug around. This is what I found:

(a) Girl Friend 1 - Has remained good friends with this guy who she has had serious 'romantic' feelings for. The feelings went unrequited and have abated a fair bit but they still remain. She keeps in touch with him, partly with the hope that he might one day change his mind and partly rationalising to herself that even if she doesn't have a romance going with him, she can at least have his friendship. He falls in and out of love, when he's in a romantic relationship, he disappears for that period of time and when he's not, he gets back in touch. The friendship gets picked up where it was left off, platonically, as always.

(b) Guy Friend - Best friends with his work colleague. She eased him into the company when he was a newbie, she went drinking with him, was his shoulder to cry on (and vice versa), they shared their views, opinions & most secrets. He was crazy about another woman (who was his good friend from elsewhere) who told him she didn't feel the same way about him. This best friend consoled him & offered her support. One day he did get together with the girl he was mad about and life went on its merry way. All seemed too good to be true. These two friends continued to meet, drink and be merry as often as they could (without respective partners) given schedules and other commitments. Until one day she dropped a bomb, things hadn't been as unromantic as he had suspected. She had developed a crush on him over time (which she claimed had gone away and that's why she had got up the courage to tell him). He was shocked and bewildered, hadn't suspected it one bit. He has moved out of the company where they worked together but they continue as before, being best friends, trying not to think of that 'crush' that was. But has the unspoken 'romance' really gone away?

(c) Girl Friend 2 - Is in love with this amazing, wonderful man. Everything she could hope for in a life partner. He has a large circle of friends, she knows most of them. He has this one best friend - you guessed it, a woman! She knows her too, it is someone he worked with once upon a time. He says they are simply friends and no other feelings between them. She believes him but she's not sure if the 'best woman-friend' feels the same way too. That this is about just being friends and no scope for anything else. Girl friend gets mad that they are constantly meeting up and always without her. But 'best woman-friend's' friends are allowed. This has been going on for as long as she has been seeing her partner. Until one day, terrified of losing her partner if things continued the same way, she exploded. The meetings stopped. So far. Was the girl friend just jealous or was there potential for something to develop romantically between the two best friends? Hmmmmmm!?

Then I took a good look at the examples we have in movies, TV etc.

When Harry Met Sally

My Best Friend's Wedding

Made of Honor

Friends - Chandler & Monica (and the rest of them too in between now & then)

If these are supposed to be a reflection of society (at least a little bit), then...?

Scientifically speaking, the experts say that it is possible but not without having to overcome some huge challenges. Once you get past those barriers and your friendship has survived, it's possible. Bottomline: you have to get past the challenges & survive!

For the full article, click here

I, for one, have begun to believe that it's only possible for a heterosexual man/woman to have a best friend of the opposite gender if the friend is gay/lesbian respectively :)

Between men and women there is no friendship possible. There is passion, enmity, worship, love, but no friendship. ~ Oscar Wilde

(Pic courtesy: Google images)

"Friends"...

Normally, I am not the overly sentimental type nor do I gush about the good things in life, even if I like them a lot (except bookstores, maybe). And for those who know me, it might seem a little out of character for me to post this piece. But, I shall risk it...

I wonder what it is about the TV series "Friends" which makes it so evergreen? I have been watching it for many, many years (more years than I care to admit) now... rerun after rerun after rerun, but I just don't seem to tire of it.


And I cannot think of any other TV series that I can watch endlessly without getting at least a little bored of it, not even "Malgudi Days" (based on RK Narayan's novel by the same name).

The six friends whose lives revolved around a coffee shop and their New York apartments - Phoebe (eccentric, masseuse, ex-street thug), Rachel (fashionista), Monica (chef with an OCD for cleanliness), Chandler (witty, no one is really sure what his job is), Ross (paleontologist) and Joey (womaniser, out-of-work actor) - have kept me entertained many an evening. Bored or need a break from ploughing through studies/ work or just to pass time, watch "Friends"!

Sometimes even when more than one channel on TV aired the show with episodes which were many years apart (as per storyline), I have happily watched them. If one channel had Monica and Chandler married and living in the same apartment, two hours later on another there would be Monica in a relationship with a man old enough to be her father. But was I disoriented, fazed?...no way...not me! I lapped it all up even if I was watching it for the 'n'th time, even if it was to watch Phoebe sing "smelly cat" again or Joey ham through another audition or Rachel & Ross in their on-off relationship...

Well... yes... I am a die hard fan. Enough said. :)

(pic courtesy: www.amazon.com)