Sunday, February 6, 2011

Brain Damage

Gotcha! No...this is not a post eulogising the Floyd track or about a medical disorder. But it comes close, it's about an addiction that pretty much damages your brain & any coherent, sensible thinking along with it. In layman's terms, it's about 'love'.

In my 'younger' days (for academic purposes let's treat it as between 14 to 25 years), I must confess that I had never imagined myself as falling madly (or not so madly, for that matter) in love.

Through my teenage years, & a few after, the phase of romance novels, magazine and movies (which, incidentally, I quite enjoyed), never really changed my mind. They seemed too good to be true, it was hardly likely I would find love like in those stories. To me they were meant to remain between the pages of a book or on the screen, not real life. The cliched red roses, hearts, candies, get the drift... were not for me. The mushy bits were completely off-putting & unthinkable.

Then the unthinkable did happen. And I never even realised it. Me, the level-headed, cool, calm collected (or so I thought) not-so-young woman. First we were friends, then we became good friends. A couple of years later, when I realised that he was leaving town & I might never spend time with him or see him as often as I used to, I realised how much I missed him & why. I was in love!

Little did I realise what I was in for - a roller-coaster ride of gigantic proportions (& am still on it!). The red roses & hearts & mushy stuff didn't happen (wasn't either of our styles, Thank God.) But lots of other amazing things did... I found my soul-mate (if there is such a thing), I realised love needn't be binding or claustrophobic, I realised it made me more secure, more confident of who I was & what I wanted to do, it makes me go through my days with a smile in my head (I try not to show it on my face, I would look loonier than I already am) & much, much more.

There has been a lot of heartache too (& still is) - living in two different cities, being able to only talk to him, not seeing him, sometimes, months on end, not wanting to fight with him but wanting to give him an earful at the same time for something he would have said/done or not. The thinking & the speculating & the reading between the lines...of what he said & what he really meant, the days (few, thankfully) spent telling myself that falling in love was the worst thing to happen to me, that I should have listened to my head & not my heart, the frustration & the sadness etc. (pics courtesy:

My heart & my head have turned somersaults, been wrenched and tugged in different directions and into many shapes, bruised and battered. But they both have survived these 5 years (almost there). I keep my fingers crossed and fervently hope they go on for many, many more years. Forever!

To love someone deeply gives you strength.
Being loved by someone deeply gives you courage
~ Lao Tzu.

Thank you for being my friend, confidant, lover and soul-mate.

On a lighter note, I leave you with this comic strip below (pic courtesy: rtmulcahy

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